The Vegan and The Carnivore: Part 1

After experiencing an array of these questions first hand, I decided to put together the reality which is a standard conversation between an oblivious carnivore and a passionate vegan. Veganism is a great way of life and I am so glad that I eventually found it. It teaches us about compassion, love, health and nature and opens our eyes to the reality which others fail to see, or simply do not want to see. It helps us to comprehend how humans are the primary and sole reason for the deterioration of the earth and our environment. So before you speak to a vegan with such certainty and stubbornness, be sure to expect a backfire of answers ready to splurge out. Oh, and don’t forget, you will always be wrong…

1. Question from carnivore: But where do you get your protein from?

What the carnivore really wants to say: You’re being stupid. You need the protein from meat otherwise you will be very sick and die.

What the vegan is thinking: Seriously, if one more person asks me if i’m getting enough protein i’m going to flip out big time. Since when has anyone even cared about someone else’s protein intake? It’s as if everyone who hasn’t got a single clue about veganism   suddenly becomes a nutritional expert overnight and starts to evaluate my daily protein dosage. I am so done with this protein question. P.S Where do you think herbivorous animals get their protein from?

What the carnivore should say instead: I don’t really know much about protein and nutrition, what are some other plant-based protein options which can substitute meat?

Calm vegan’s response: Protein is not a source which can only be found in meat as many believe, it is actually present within everything we eat. There are many plant based protein options out there. Foods with the highest levels of protein are beans, tofu, spinach, quinoa, lentils, amaranth, soy milk, peas, nuts and seeds, edamame, tempeh, and many more. So I’m keeping on top of things.

2. Question from carnivore: So do you not eat cheese either? What about milk?

What the carnivore really wants to say: BUT CHEESE THOUGH. Not eating meat is one thing, but removing dairy products from your diet is so pointless. OMG! NO PIZZA?! Milk is natural, it doesn’t harm the animal. Idiot. What does this girl even put in her tea or on her cereal??? Oat and almond milk taste vile. Argh. It tastes like water. I might as well just put water on my cereal.

What the vegan is thinking: Well, the last time I checked cheese was a dairy product which come from the udder of a female cow…so which part of “I don’t eat any animal products” confused you exactly? Surely these people know that cheese is not vegan..right? The dairy industry is disgusting….if only you had watched some documentaries and did your research, we would not be having this conversation right now.

What the carnivore should say instead: Does this mean that you don’t eat any dairy products either? I didn’t realise that the dairy industry also had an impact on animal abuse.

Calm vegan’s response: No I don’t, cheese is also an animal product as it is made from milk which comes from an animal. Unfortunately yes, many people are oblivious to what really goes on within the walls of a dairy farm…

3. Question from carnivore: What about eggs..? I buy free-range eggs so the chickens are all happy roaming around freely and stuff

What the carnivore really wants to say: Are you for real right now. An egg isn’t even an’s an egg. It just comes out the chicken naturally. Oh wow. These guys are super extreme.

What the vegan is thinking: I think they mean hen but anyway. No no no no no. OMG. Free-range is not even a thing. WE  MUST EDUCATE THESE PEOPLE. I wonder if they know that eggs are actually periods, and that hens bleed just as normally as female humans. #heninism. I want to give a whole lecture on how the egg industry kills an average of 260 million newborn chicks per year… in the US alone, or how hatcheries which provide this cruel industry with the chickens, sort and separate the chicks according to their gender and that the males are gassed, thrown into grinders alive or tossed into bin bags and left to suffocate… but I won’t because I don’t want to be seen as one of those stereotypical angry vegans. Because i’m not.

What the carnivore should say instead: So you don’t eat eggs either? Could you explain why vegans don’t eat eggs? It didn’t occur to me that the egg industry harmed the animals too.

Calm vegan’s response: No, I don’t eat eggs. Egg’s are still the product of an animal. Although laying an egg is a natural process, the industries don’t have the time nor funds to wait for this process to occur naturally. Therefore hens are stuffed with hormones to quicken this procedure and end up suffering tremendously. They are seen as nothing more than a factory’s product and a money making machine.

4. Question from carnivore: Do you want so- oh sorry! You can’t eat this can you? Such a shame..Sorry!

What the carnivore really wants to say: I feel really bad for sharing and eating this four layered chocolate and cream cake in front of you right now because I know you really want some but can’t. You have no idea what you’re missing. YUM.

What the vegan is thinking: What. Of course I can. I can, I just don’t want to. It’s not like i’m forced by anyone to not eat it.. it’s my own choice. So next time choose your words wisely please and thank you.

What the carnivore should say instead: I was going to offer you a slice of my cake but I forgot that it’s not vegan. But if you’re craving something sweet now we can go and buy some dark chocolate?

Calm vegan’s response: Thank you for the thought anyway. I would love some chocolate.

5. Question from carnivore: Will you be offended if I order this double cheese-burger with bacon, extra cheese , mayo sauce and a side of chicken strips?

What the carnivore really wants to say: I’m ordering this double cheese-burger with bacon, extra cheese, mayo cause and chicken strips whether you like it or not. I just thought i’d be polite and give you a heads up about this DIVINE meal which is about to be devoured right before your eyes. #winning.

What the vegan is thinking: Why the hell would it offend me that you’re a carnivore? I don’t see how that’s offensive. It’s like me asking you if you’ll be offended by me ordering a plate full of vegetables. Just don’t ask that. I mean I’d rather I didn’t have to watch meat juice dripping down the side of your mouth, but it’s not like i’m going to throw up all over the table or get up and leave. I have seen meat and animal products being eaten before FYI.

What the carnivore should say instead: I ordered a cheese burger with some extras on the side because I know you don’t mind.

Calm vegan’s response: No of course I don’t, you can eat whatever you like.

6. Question from carnivore: You’re asking them to make a new one? Can’t you just pick out the ____?

What the carnivore really wants to say: Stop making such a fuss, it’s just a bit of tuna. You can just scrape it off or eat around it. Jheeze.

What the vegan is thinking: Why do I have to suffer like this. I specifically said NO tuna for a reason. I don’t care if the kitchen is busy, i’m paying for this shit so go and make me a new one. Now. And as for you carnivore sitting opposite me, i’m not causing a scene. I’m not going to scrape off the tuna because I can’t get 100% of the tuna off of the plate, plus there’s tuna juice EVERYWHERE. If I’m going to inhale 1% of tuna and the tuna juice, I may as well just eat the whole tuna, no???

What the carnivore should say instead: Why did they put that tuna on your pasta when you said “no tuna”? It’s not like you didn’t tell them. If you don’t want to wait, maybe you could spoon off the tuna pieces from the top and eat the rest..?

Calm vegan’s response: Well even if I do spoon the tuna off from the top, I can still taste it as the food beneath has already been cross-contaminated, I certainly don’t want to be tasting tuna whilst we’re out for a lovely meal. Plus, I still know in the back of my mind that this meal isn’t 100% cruelty free. It’s okay, I don’t mind waiting.

7. Question from carnivore: If you were stuck on an deserted island with nothing but a pig, a chicken and a lamb, would you still not eat them? I’m sure you would..

What the carnivore really wants to say: Just wait until you’re on that island. Your morals will go flying out the window and I can laugh at you for going against your vegan self-power. HA.

What the vegan is thinking: Where is this deserted island that everyone keeps asking me about? An island with NOTHING other than these animals sounds quite unrealistic but also an excuse for me to escape from people like these. How did the animals even get onto the island? Even if it did exist, I wonder if they realise i’d just be best friends and cuddle to sleep with all of the

What the carnivore should say instead: Nothing. Carnivore should say nothing. It’s a stupid question.

Calm vegan’s response: I highly doubt I would be in that situation, but if i were, no, I still would not eat the animals.

8. Question from carnivore: We’re having a barbecue tonight! We’ve got vegetables which we can grill..oh and there’ll be salad too

What the carnivore really means: Just come and be sociable. We’ll throw a few aubergines and peppers on the grill and you can have your own mini barbecue so you don’t feel like you’re missing out. Even though you are. No seriously, barbecued sausages are just SO good. Don’t expect anything especially made just for you though, as I said, there’s salad.

What the vegan is thinking: Shit. Two significant problems right here. Firstly, how do I make sure or even ask if they’ll grill the vegetables before the meat, on a clean grill? What if I go and they decide to barbecue the meat first? I won’t eat anything from that barbecue after any meat has been cooked on it, then everyone there will think i’m being an extreme..vegan. Secondly, ‘salad’? Really? Like I don’t know that these barbecue salads are just made from iceberg lettuce and if I’m really lucky i’ll get a tomato or two in there somewhere. That’s fine, i’ll just come to your house for dinner to eat meat flavoured vegetables and leaves of crunchy lettuce and leave hungry whilst you devour your non-vegan burgers in your non-vegan burger buns.

OH, but I bet there will be guacamole and crisps. All barbecues have crisps. I bet they’re cheese flavoured though. And the guacamole will most definitely have cream in it. And even if it doesn’t, people will use the same spoon for all the dips or they’ll double-dip from the cream dip. No thanks. Ok but maybe they’ll have some cold sides? Like.. coleslaw… or a potato salad.. or sweet potato mash… Right. I’m not going.

What the carnivore should say instead: We’re having a barbecue tonight! We can grill you some vegetables and make a nice salad too. We can also get some vegan vegetable or soya  burgers so you can enjoy the barbecue with us.

Calm vegan’s response: Thank you I would love to join, good idea! I’ll make some side dishes at home and buy some burgers for myself on the way. I’ll bring some tin foil to put the vegetables in too.

9. Carnivore’s question: Why do vegans always have to tell everyone they’re vegan?

What the carnivore really means: You people are so annoying. You’re not better than non-vegans, you’re not like super cool and edgy because you’re vegan. I don’t care. Stop telling everyone you’re vegan.

What the vegan is thinking: I mean, when someone doesn’t accept my answer of “no, I’m fine thank you” when they shove a box of Celebrations in my face and keep persisting, I kinda have to tell them so they stop. Plus, what’s wrong with saying those two words. Why does it freak everyone out and build this invisible wall between us? AND we don’t always tell everyone we’re vegan. And if we do, it’s not as if we shout “i’m vegan” from the middle of nowhere, it comes up in conversation and we mention it with good intention.  To spread love and peace. You know, it’s always a good conversation starter, whether it turns into a good or a bad conversation by the end, is a different story, but at least the conversation itself is there, right? Plus, yes we kind of are better than you. We are trying to save the animals, the human race, the environment and our planet. We believe in compassion for all living things which yes, does make me better than you in some way I guess… How many murderers have you heard of that are vegan?

What the carnivore should say instead: It seems like there are a lot of vegans around these days, I keep hearing people talking about their vegan lifestyles.

Calm vegan’s response: It’s true, there are more and more people converting to veganism each day. I think it’s a great thing to talk about so we can spread the word. The more we inform others of a cruelty free and compassionate lifestyle, the more we can help to save everything which you can see around us.

10. Question from carnivore: Wow. How do you do it?! I could easily turn vegetarian because I don’t eat that much meat anyway, but I could never be vegan! 

What the carnivore really means: These vegans have some hardcore willpower that’s for sure. I’d still be a good person and help save the animals by cutting out meat, right? I’ll just be vegetarian! But Sushi. I love sushi. DAMN. Ok I could potentially be vegetarian and eat sushi, no one will have to know.

What the vegan is thinking: How? Well I start by not eating any animal products. Does that answer the question? This is my way of life. I’m not torturing myself being vegan, I chose this lifestyle for a very good list of reasons. Everything turns back to your morals and the reasoning behind them. It’s all in the mind. Obviously you could be vegan. It’s like hearing a drug addict say “I could never give up drugs, I love it too much”. Just because something feels ‘good’ for you, doesn’t mean it’s actually ‘good’ for you or everyone and everything else around you. Don’t be selfish. Everyone could be vegan.  People just don’t want to, or can’t be bothered to change themselves. They don’t want to give up a specific taste to save the suffering of an animal. It’s okay, i’m not judging you..

What the carnivore should say instead: I admire your willpower. I can see that this vegan lifestyle is very important to you and you really are powering through it. Maybe through you, I can also learn a few things and slowly convert too.

Calm vegan’s response: Thank you. Yes, veganism is very close to my heart. It’s changed my perspective on a lot of things. I also feel like I truly am doing my part to the best of my abilities to make our world a better place for us now and the future generations to come. I would love to teach you more about veganism. Would you like to come to this vegan restaurant with me for Friday night dinner? I promise you won’t even realise it’s all vegan!

‘The Vegan and The Carnivore: Part 2’ COMING SOON!

2 thoughts on “The Vegan and The Carnivore: Part 1

  1. This really was a condescending read. You can eat meat and be compassionate. Whilst I appreciate, your views and values, what you eat does not define you as a person.
    I’m just wondering where the compassion was when that French couple deprived their child of vitamin B12 and the child subsequently died?
    Finally, what you eat has no correlation on murderers? This is categorically false. E.g Sandy Hook

    What you eat has no relation to your traits as a human. Because you are a non meat eater does not make one person better than another. Everyone is equal, equal rights and equal choices. What you eat does not define you.


    1. Hello! It’s supposed to be a light hearted read focusing on stereotypes of vegans and carnivores, obviously what you eat doesn’t define you per se however you go against the definition of compassion if you eat animals. I’m sure there are some vegan murderers but figuratively speaking the number is probably 1 in a million, just like the couple who deprived their child of B12. I’m a very strong believer in equality and this post has nothing to do with equality. Once again, it’s meant to be a humorous post about stereotypes and to a certain extent the reality of what I have experienced so far. I wouldn’t read into it that seriously


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